One Princess Tea Party At A Time

I love my job. Promise.

A big smile can always be seen on my face as I enter my classroom full of Francophone cultural images, Impressionist masterpieces and motivational posters. I love teaching French; sharing my passion for the language, literature and history by inspiring my students to take risks to produce the language on their own. All the while encouraging them to be little sponges who soak up the rich culture that hopefully entices them to visit France someday in the future.

Yes, I feel lucky to have a career that I adore and one that I look forward to driving to each morning. Even when Olivia, my two-year-old daughter, throws herself on the floor mid-tantrum, blocking the front door, because she wants Mommy to put her hair in a ponytail NOW. Even when my iPhone alarm is shrilling it's 6:40 with the screen reminder that actually reads: Must leave house NOW or else Madelyn, my five-year-old daughter, will miss her bus in front of my high school. Even then. Promise.

Fast forward to the month of December, when my motivation and positive attitude typically start sinking like the Titanic. I mean, one can only endure so many "YOLO, Madame!" and "I've got such swag!" from my teenage students who generally communicate using hash tags. Le sigh.

So, when the calendar finally read December 20th, I was like a kid sprinting up and down the Target toy aisles. (Wait. I'm thinking of my OWN two daughters' typical Target behavior. Sorry. Habit.) Two more classes of semester exams stood in the way of two weeks of amazing Mommy moments spent at home with my girls. So when the bell rang at 2:50 that afternoon, I may or may not have broken out a few awful dance moves in the privacy of my classroom. Cue Alice Cooper! "School's out...for...WINTER!"

The first week of break was jam-packed with last-minute holiday shopping, wrestling with wrapping paper, cooking/burning Christmas cookies, and too many viewings of Rudolph and Frosty on DVD to possibly count. That being said, there were plenty of snuggles, singing of Christmas songs (Rudolph, mainly), and fun family moments.

Watching the girls' faces light up in wonder on Christmas morning this year was a special Mom memory that I will always cherish. They were SO into everything. And they received SO many nice gifts, toys and games that I was certain would keep them entertained and happy until I returned to school January 6th.

Yep, we played A LOT of board games. Connect Four, Operation (Classic AND the ever-popular NEW Doc McStuffins version! Yippee!), Chutes and Ladders, Don't Spill the Beans, Cootie, Sorry, Memory, oh, mon Dieu. Somewhere, Milton Bradley is smiling.

We watched Despicable Me. The first one AND the sequel. Too much. As in, Madelyn has Dr. Gru's lines practically memorized, while Olivia continues to wake up at three a.m. on most nights screaming that the scary purple minions are chasing her. Ok, enough of this movie! I had to stash it away to make sure they wouldn't pop it in while I was busy reheating my stone-cold coffee for the third time on any given morning.

(Seriously? Even I am so scared of this crazy thing!)

We played princess tea party in their play room. Morning, noon, and night. The girls dressed up in their fanciest princess attire while I even adorned an old bridesmaid dress just to make them happy. (Nope. No photographic evidence of this event, folks!) I drank a lot of fancy tea poured by a singing Mrs. Potts while being accompanied by the figurine gang of Doc McStuffins. Our little table was quite the happenin' place. Until the girls started fighting over who pours the tea. And Olivia broke Madelyn's favorite crown. Then both girls were screaming, crying, and fighting, and I was wondering how much Shiraz would fit in my tea cup.

The above daytime activities continued every day until January 5th arrived. The day before routine returned. The day before my sanity would hopefully return. One day, while playing hide-and-seek with the girls in our tiny house (where I was crouched down in my minuscule closet praying to the real estate gods that our house sells in a few months), I was secretly thinking about January 6th. When I would go back to school, Madelyn would return to kindergarten, and Olivia would return to the sitter.

And then the Polar Vortex arrived that evening. "No school on January 6th," my superintendent's voice said on the voice mail.

NOOOOOO! Another day stuck at home since the wind chills were crazy dangerous.

"Sorry, girls, it's too cold to build a snowman," I replied to their endless inquiries.

"MOMMY! That's a song from FROZEN! Can we PUHLEASE watch another YouTube video of Anna and Elsa singing?!"

Dear Lord. Someone save me. January 7th. "No school today due to the weather," my superintendent's calm voice said on the voice mail. Awesome. Well played, Polar Vortex, well played. Another day trying my best to entertain the girls with the aforementioned play activities. At that moment, I felt like the worst mom on Earth.

What mother daydreams about being away from her children? I felt awful. I had been looking forward to all this quality time at home, and now, I was exhausted and longing to return to work. I tried to reassure myself that all moms experience these feelings, both working and stay-at-home moms. But I still felt a ton of Mom Guilt.

Luckily, on Tuesday, Janaury 7th, the eighteenth day of Winter Break, my firstborn and miracle daughter, Madelyn, gave me some much-needed Mom perspective that I'll always remember.

It was nap time for Olivia, right after lunch. The girls share a room, and Olivia always wants to nap with her big sis. Well, Madelyn gave up naps over two years ago. Thankfully, she is a good sport in that she always "goes to sleep" in her bed while waiting for Olivia to fall asleep. As soon as she knows Liv is asleep, she sneaks out of her room and quietly creeps down the noisy stairs.

On that afternoon, I had just made myself lunch, when Madelyn appeared on the steps and said "Mommy! Can we watch Project Runway together?" Clearly, she is my child. She understands my love for one of the only shows I DVR religiously.

To which I replied "Of course, honey. Come snuggle with me under the blanket."

Madelyn: "Mommy, what do you think Korto is going to design this week? I REALLY hope she makes it to the Final! She is the best." I couldn't stop smiling. I love this girl.

So we spent a lovely hour of quiet together, bonding and snuggling over our favorite show. And yes, Madelyn was SO excited when Korto made it to the Final! We have scheduled a date this week to watch the episode together.

Olivia's perspective would unexpectedly arrive later in the middle of the night.

Lunches were packed, clothes for school the next day were picked out, and I collapsed into bed. Utterly exhausted.

I couldn't sleep. Something was bothering me. In scanning my memory over the past 18 whirlwind days, it hit me: I already missed them.

That pang of Mom guilt suddenly hit my heart like an arrow. How could I have been counting down the days to go back to work, when I was creating memorable moments each day with my sweet girls?

My insomnia was interrupted at 3 am, when I heard Olivia crying. I got out of bed and walked to the girls' bedroom door.

She was standing at the gate, arms outstretched, calling out for me. "Mommy."

I picked her up, and asked her what was wrong. "Another nightmare, sweetheart?"

Olivia: "No, Mommy. I gonna miss you tomorrow. I want to give you hug and kiss. I love you."

Hot tears formed in my eyes. She had read my mind.

Me: "I love you too, baby. Mommy will miss you, too. But you'll get to see Melanie and all your friends."

Olivia: "Ok, Mommy. Can I please snuggle you?" (Sidenote: We NEVER co-sleep.)

Me: "Of course. Come sleep in between Daddy and me."

And for the next two hours, Olivia slept soundly between me and her dad. I stayed awake, listening to her soft breathing, and hugged her tightly.

When five a.m. rolled around, I quickly snuck out of bed to shower and get ready for school. And yes, the insanity of leaving the house on time was still in the air, but we made it to Madelyn's bus stop on time.

As I blew her a kiss goodbye and waved to her sweet face through the window as her bus was pulling away, I was longing for the next snow day or holiday off.

I was dreaming of our next princess tea party.

-Amber