Teens & Tweens & Parenting Dreams

Dear Parents of Teenagers...and Future Parents of Teenagers,

We hear you.

You are not alone.

You have reached out to us and said, "I feel like I'm not doing enough. I feel like I'm failing. I need someone to tell me that this is all going to turn out okay."

For as scary as it was bringing that newborn baby home so many years ago, and worrying about things like SIDS, now you worry about how little sleep your kids get with a phone glued to their hands. And instead of fretting about pre-school and making friends, you just replace "pre-school" with "middle and high school." And instead of yourself constantly comparing your late walker or talker to the kids of your friends, you now worry about other kids judging your kid.

And posting those judgments online.

Often anonymously.

You can't scoop them up out of the crib and offer a "shhhhhhh" and a bottle and a little sway while humming your favorite lullaby.

Your sleep deprivation isn't in the form of an infant who wants to be held, but instead a teenager who wants some freedom...

...driving around on Saturday nights with friends.

You don't know if they're happy, because they don't talk to or respond to you in the ways that they used to. And if you don't know if they're happy, then you also don't know if they are afraid or alone or miserable or actually, completely fine.

You've reached out to us Honest Moms, and our experience reaches only so far--the age of five, to be exact--and really, we are clinging to these days of sweet cuddles and diapers (maybe not diapers), and play-dough and Saturday morning cartoons, and being the centers of our kids' worlds, because we know one day all too soon we will be in your shoes.

The best news is, we have found several parents willing to offer us this teenage perspective--to share your fears but also to let you know that you aren't alone and the kids turn out okay (we all did, right?) and what worked for them.

And most importantly, how much good there is in this phase of parenting. You can look for their posts coming in February and March.

For now, I offer you this:

I have worked with tweens and teens for the last decade and some change, and I want you to know one thing--your kids are great.

They are better than great, really, because what they don't offer up at home, they do at school. They are bright, and have incredible insight on how this world works. They try hard (most of the time), and for every time you hear about bullying and tearing kids down, I have two more stories to tell you about kids that stand up to such acts and play priceless positive roles in this community of raging hormones and mean girls and Snapchat.

My husband and I were recently watching the Saturday morning news segment in which they highlight the student athletes of the week. I turned to him and said, "How do we make our kids like that? Well-rounded and kind and smart and just plain awesome?"

"We lead by example," he responded.

And you are, dear parents and future parents.

You can't scoop up your tweenagers and shush them (and they certainly don't want anything to do with your singing), but you can show them what resiliency looks like, and you do. You show them what it is to stand up for themselves and others. You show them what it is to be kind, to keep trying, to work hard, to praise effort and success, to communicate, and love, and offer helping hands, and trust in powers greater than ourselves. And I'm telling you, it's enough.

You are doing enough.

-Kristin